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Schumacher to mentor Mercedes Junior Team

Michael Schumacher is to act as a mentor to the re-established Mercedes Junior team, guiding three young drivers as they gain experience in the DTM. "I clearly remember the early stages of my career and what I gained from my time in the Mercedes-Benz Junior Team" said Schumacher. "I'm excited to see how Christian, Roberto and Robert develop... I enjoyed meeting them in Barcelona to offer a few tips from my own experiences. "

7 April 2012 - Source
nico   Nico Rosberg
Michael, I think it is great you are helping other young drivers in the Mercedes program. I know from first-hand experience how lucky these guys are to be learning from your experience.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
Sure Britney, although the idea here is that we develop future winners.
nico   Nico Rosberg
Given our improved competitiveness this year Michael I am confident that my first win is just around the corner.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
Listen and learn goldilocks, here's a flavour of how I'll be moulding these guys. Lesson 1: "Damonize your opponent". This is to be employed in a crisis situation where your own car is critically damaged in a title decider. Leave just enough space for your rule abiding competitor to try to take advantage before closing the door. Potential Result: F1 title. Possible Sanctions: Not applicable.
JV   Jacques Villeneuve
Contoversial Jacques is going to stick his neck on the line here and say the Adelaide incident is perhaps one of the most shocking conclusions to a world title fight, and a chilling prelude to the trauma I had to endure at Jerez in 1997.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
Bringing us neatly to: Lesson 2: "The Jacques Attack". As in Lesson 1, leave enough space for your rule abiding title opponent to attempt a pass before turning in as normal. This is to be avoided unless there is sufficient tarmac run-off in the event of unsatisfactory contact. Potential Result: F1 title if succesful, one very upset Canadian twat. Possible Sanctions: meaningless championship exclusion, season wins intact.
rossbrawn   Ross Brawn
Er Michael, I'm not sure this is what Mercedes had in mind, and these young guys might not be as good as you at pulling these manouevres off.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
It's not always so easy, bringing us to: Lesson 3: "Do La Rascasse". An apparent loss of control at this deceptively simple, low speed hairpin, will block the track thus nullifying your opponents qualifying run. Caution must be exercised in ensuring some superficial front wing damage to convince the stewards of authenticity. Potential Result: Pole position if exercised properly. Possible Sanctions: Demotion to back row of grid.
rubens   Rubens Barrichello
This is exactly the kind of attitude which shows your lack of respect for the other drivers Michael, if you were a nice guy like me then you would have a much better reputation.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
Ah, nice guy Rubens, the man who advised his friend and compatriot Felipe to relax and that he would keep his drive, before then adding that you'd happily jump in to take his seat, classy.
fernando   Fernando Alonso
Come on over Barrichello, I'll happily end the career and reputation of another Brazilian with denial issues.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
So to my final nugget of wisdom, and possibly my favourite. Lesson 4: "The Barrichello". To be employed on an ad-hoc basis against any bitter, irritating, ex-teammate. Simply move across your opponent's racing line on an acute angle trajectory towards the pit-wall. For maximum "impact", ensure to start the move early in the pit-straight. Potential Result: One pissed-off Brazilian. Possible Sanction: meaningless 10-place grid drop.
hammy   Lewis Hamilton
That's totally uncool Michael. There's no frickin' way Ayrton would have done anything like that so I'm not going to listen man.
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
I'm afraid to say I can't claim to have invented that one, your hero patented that move at Estoril in '88 Hamilton. I believe the pit-board guys caught a whiff of Prost's soiled overalls as he passed underneath them.
fernando   Fernando Alonso
Speaking of mentor programs, how is my favourite protege? Given that Grosjean can't string together more than 3 racing laps we might have you in that Lotus before you know it Ambrosia.
Ambrosia   Jerome d'Ambrosio
I'm glad you're still looking out for me Fernando, to be honest Michael sounds a bit scary. Although, when I mentioned to my mother about having a mentos she said I was eating too much sugar already.
fernando   Fernando Alonso
Mentor you wally, not mentos. Having said that, the next time you're drinking a Coke, pop a mint mentos in there just before you take a sip, it gives it a little kick.
Ambrosia   Jerome d'Ambrosio
I'm only allowed to drink Coke on my birthday Fernando. That sounds a bit weird but I'll definitely give it a try.
fernando   Fernando Alonso
That's a good lad, I'm hoping you'll find it mind-blowing, literally.

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