Ralf Schumacher denies comeback rumours

Christ, with one-liners like that you should go into comedy Dannii. Although come to think of it, there's always been a certain comedic element to your career.

Although such a proclamation may create a short-lived whirlwind of speculation, and subsequently provide some much needed revenue for the struggling newspaper industry, mainly due to strong competition from online media and a hunger for up-to-date information, and possibly in turn a shorter attention span becoming more and more evident in much of todays youth, such a comeback is most likely beyond the realms of reasonable probability. The oldest driver to partake in a Grand Prix was Louis Chiron, who, in 1955, raced in Monaco at the age of 55 years, 9 months and 19 days, which is a not insignificant 2 years, 11 months and 6 days younger than my present age, although it should be noted that Chiron did in fact attempt, albeit in vain, to qualify for the same race in 1958, at which point he would in fact have been almost a month my senior.