Montezemolo: Ferrari only has room for one 'rooster'
Luca di Montezemolo has denied that Sebastian Vettel is to join the Scuderia in 2014. Noting that Ferrari have historically avoided intra-team rivalry he explained that he did not wish to have "two roosters in the same hen-house". Jackie Stewart said Vettel would be mad to join Ferrari, and denied he was yet a true great due to having only won his titles with vastly superior Newey-designed machinery.
Luca di Montezemolo
Tremble with fear troglodytes! Let the the seas part to unveil the power of my proclamation. There can only be one rooster annointed to master the hen-house in my kingdom. The golden child Alonso is not to be challenged by those who may ruffle his sacred feathers.
President di Montezemolo, we are very happy that Felipe will now stay within our special Ferrari family for one more year, and I have instructed him to co-operate with Fernando.
Luca di Montezemolo
Silence drone! Thine EMPEROR fumes with indignation at such impudence. Only I shall instruct this weakling, he must succumb to the will of his superiors in the manner of those before who knelt before Schumacher, that Brazilian whose tears could fill a virgin's bosom and the hairy leprechaun creature who cursed me by his impotence.
Thank you kindly for your support as always Emperor Di Montezemolo. As the Red Rooster I will take Felipe under my wing and replace the disgrace he has brought you with glorious victory!
Better than being a lame duck Massa. Roll on 2013, I can't wait to hear the excuses when you're shit again.
This is so unfair, we didn't have a rivalry because it said in my contract I had to be slower than you Michael. You really got all your titles by cheating, you should be stripped of all 7 of them, just like Lance Armstrong.
The dodo appears. My contract didn't grant me superiority over you, evolution did. Armstrong's problem was getting caught. On that subject Rubens, if you ever set up a charity you should call it Liveweak.
Fast Eddie always had a keen eye for the birds, what do you say we hang out next year Mikey and we can travel around the world picking up chicks.
Picking up diseases more like. Given your talent level I think Eddie the Eagle might have been a more appropriate moniker than Fast Eddie.
If you're looking for things to do in retirement Michael, maybe we could spend more time together. It looks like I might also be retiring, from DTM, so the Schumacher name will be absent from motorsport.
Ah Dannii, the ugly duckling who never quite became a swan. Third last in the DTM series, wow. I'm starting to think having Jimmy Saville as a relative would have brought less disgrace to the family than you.
One must use a variety of criteria in assessing the greatness of any driver, owing to the myriad of complicating factors in elevating one to this status. The title of my autobiography "Winning is not enough" sums up this philosophy quite neatly. The manner in which one succeeds is of equal, if not more import, as that of the achievement itself. Given young Vettel has had demonstrably superior machinery in winning his titles, owing to the Newey factor, he still has some way to go to conclusively establish himself as one of the all time greats, as I have done. In my estimation he would be mad to move to Ferrari.
Here's Johnny! You toe-nail trimming teetotalling tossers. Vettel couldn't even pull that bird on the podium on his own, never mind win anything. What's the bloody Newey factor? Looking like a scuba-diving ponce afraid to get bubbly in his eyes. In my day we drank petrol when we ran out of booze and a blond bastard called Johnny Herbert went diving with all the podium totty.
Funny thing Herbert, the amount of time you spent on the podium last Sunday was about the length of your average GP. As for The Flying Snot, your opinion is so highly valued that even Grosjean rejected your offer of advice, twice... Next time, ask him out in private and spare yourself the embarrassment.
Adrian's goggles was an impromptu joke and a very "Red Bull" thing to do, and it is purely coincidence that Helmut caught them when Adrian spontaneously threw them into the crowd. On a serious note, we do believe that the girl on the podium was a spy from a rival team trying to destabilise perfect Seb. The same conspirators are spreading these Ferrari rumours. Additionally we will speak to the FIA about a timing irregularity which meant a slower car qualified ahead of Seb in Korea and could have compromised his race.
Fair dinkum Christian, I could have won the race if I wasn't such a flamin galah at the start. If Seb bails I could be a bonza number one.
Mark, apart from the fact that your one year rolling contract expires in 2013, promoting you to number one status would present Red Bull with a number of logistical difficulties. Due to our strict adherence to the Resource Restriction Agreement we have had to run the sister car on recycled, older-spec parts. Therefore we would need to familiarise you with contemporary F1 equipment. I spoke to Adrian and he graciously said we will upgrade your car with the Silverstone-2010-spec front-wing in the next GP to see how you cope. Anyway I hope perfect Seb will still be waving that finger for me in 2014!
Yes, that is what I am talking about. Yabba-dabba-dooooooooooooo! I am the greatest. Hah Jackie Stewart, idiot old cucumber guy. Riiiiiiing-a-ding-diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing!
Mother of Christ are you irritating. Just remember Vettel, Montezemolo is looking for a rooster, not a headless chicken.