Todt insists that he will not play 'dictator role'
The FIA supremo was responding to predecessor Max Mosley who urged him to be more confrontational in dealing with the teams, adding his own efforts to introduce a cost-cap were curbed by "that problem with the newspaper". Mosley will no doubt be further unimpressed as it emerged that the $100 million fine he levied on McLaren for the Spygate scandal has successfully been claimed as tax-deductible by the team.
Confronting the teams won't work Fernando, we can only move forward by achieving consensus, I would be happy to debate these political issues with Max.
You misunderstand, I couldn't give a continental crap about F1 politics. You see, our Max is a big fan of role-playing, so a dictator would have been ideal for one of his "special parties".
I'll sue you and the whole of Europe if you don't withdraw that remark. Firstly I would never host a themed evening in my own residence when it is possible to rent discreet lairs. Secondly, while consensus on financial remuneration was reached in advance between my professional female acquaintances and myself, the value of confrontation was subsequently revealed to me in the sexually charged atmosphere that exists in what my lawyers accurately portrayed as a "standard S&M prison scenario".
Those lawyers really sorted "that problem with the newspaper". Good to see you're not beating yourself up about it Max, better to pay a few tarts to do that for you.
Don't be a bloody prude Fernando, Max was just mucking about with a few young sorts, good on him if you ask me. I don't know what the bloody old fool was doing with all that prison gear though, in my day you took your trousers off and got on with it. Anyway, the teams are a bloody nuisance, we could do with a good old-fashioned dictator, like Ad....
I'll stop you there Bernie, although the FIA is now experienced in dealing with controversies involving questionable Germanic regimes, the legal department is running low on budget.
Jeez, I thought I was
the biggest expert in making FIA punishments meaningless. Nice job there at
McLaren, getting tax back on a $100 million fine for stealing intellectual
I'd like to express the opinion if I may that
I think it is an absolute disgrace that McLaren have dodged a bullet, so to
speak, and refused to accept their rightful punishment for their deceptive deceit in stealing a rival team's ideas, and also defrauded the British
taxpayer when they are such a wealthy team. Will we find out why Lee Harvey Oswald shot JR when we go to the
GP in Texas? I'd like to finish if I may by applauding the boffins at McLaren
who have shown guile and cunning and guileness in saving some money when every cent is critical to the team, especially as their fine was so unfair as every F1 team
copies it's rivals.
The view of the McLaren Group is that the
punishment imposed by Max and the FIA was incurred for a F1 regulatory rather
than statutory offence and thus the fine constitutes a trade expense related to the
daily running of the team, which makes it tax-deductible.
Did someone say they want me to punish them?
I've still got some uniforms if you're up for an evening of improvised costume enactments of mixed-gender trial and retribution narratives.
The F1 community should feel relieved that
Spygate was revealed thanks to the efforts of a conscientious employee, armed
only with his laptop, who rightfully decided to blow the whistle on McLaren.
Even though I totally respect you now Nando, it was
frickin mega-uncool to do that to the team. Is it because I was bla...
Bla.....ckmail material, yes. Don't worry Hamilton, intellectual
property isn't something you're burdened with. I underestimated Ron though,
didn't expect him to ring Max, he got really pissed when I threatened him.
Conscientious employee my gin-soaked arse. Too
right I got pissed, took me a case of Johnny Walker to remember Max's number. I'll crack your noggin with your laptop if you stab me in the back again.
If anyone wants to blow my whistle let me
know. You'll definitely feel a stabbing sensation at the rear if you access the hard-drive on my lap top.
My mother was really worried when she heard you tried to blackmail your team in the past Fernando. She said maybe I should get a new mentor to help me get a race drive.
Well, better the devil you know Ambrosia. Look, I nearly got myself decapitated in Spa to get you that drive in Monza. If that isn't making sacrifices for my protege then what is? I heard you drove the new track in Austin this week?
Cool Fernando, I knew I could rely on you. Austin is brilliant, you'll love the track, I'll tell you all about it when I see you in India.
Do me a favour Ambrosia, bring me over some of those famous Texan T-bone steaks, customs in India can be tricky but just explain to them you're a big beef eater and you'll be fine.