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Horner   Christian Horner
@whiting The engine mapping issue merely adds insult to Seb's injury after the qualy sabotage by the sister car and the ridiculous penalty given to Seb at his home race for passing Jenson. Once this grand conspiracy to end our rightful dominance is ended, perfect Seb will be waving that finger for me again.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Frankly Mark, while enlisting the help of a sports pschologist is a very modern, and therefore "very Red Bull" thing to do, Adrian and I have discussed it and come to the conclusion that while this may be of benefit to the pilot of the sister car, it has actually had an adverse effect on perfect Seb's championship chances.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah The extraneous influence of this psychologist may go some way to explaining the anomalous results this year which have seen our adversaries conspire to end our rightful dominance. In fact, Red Bull management have not ruled out the possibility that the psychologist has been planted by a rival team to derail Seb's title charge.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@fernando Actually Fernando, Adrian and I have discussed it and we believe that the track was deliberately flooded on Saturday to try and spoil Seb's qualy and hinder his chances of winning today. While Seb did his usual perfect job to get on the podium we lost a victory due to our detractors implementing their weather strategy.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah That's great Mark, although you actually failed in your role as a "valued team player" by costing Seb some points. If you had remained in second you could have let Seb through and he would have three extra points for his title push. Adrian has decided that we will enforce team orders on the sister car much earlier in future to avoid a recurrence.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Indeed Mark, as promised we endeavour to supply you with equal machinery, and we are currently investigating where those procedures broke down and erroneously allowed you to finish the race in Valencia.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@sbstnvtl Seb try to be calm, Adrian and I have discussed it and we believe there was a conspiracy at work in Valencia to destroy our race as we were dominating in typically Red Bull fashion. Frankly Fernando, yesterday was not the first time in your career where you have earned a victory following a safety car brought about in suspicious circumstances.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@fernando Given the wanton damage of company equipment at Valencia in 2010, Adrian and I have inserted a specific clause in Mark's contract reminding him that while his nominally bespoke front wings may not be as efficient at generating downforce as those of perfect Seb, this does not render the team liable if his car becomes airborne.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@mschumi Well Michael, while Madonna is a suitably cool and hip Red Bull analogy, as regards the Resource Restriction Agreement, Adrian and I budgeted carefully for perfect Seb's car. We then ran over slightly when the FIA insisted we had to run the sister car of Mark at every GP. We're hoping to get that overturned as soon as possible to save both costs and more importantly spare parts for Seb.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@fernando Monaco was a damage limitation exercise for us also Fernando. While we are desperately disappointed to be off the podium again, we can take some comfort in Seb's extraordinary performance to get fourth place, particularly his first stint which briefly allowed us that special feeling of leading at Monaco
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Not now Mark. Seb really did a remarkable job after a disastrous qualy that left us on the fifth row. Suffice to say the traditional impromptu Red Bull pool party was a rather muted affair this year Fernando. The post-race rain meant it was literally a damp squib compared to the jubilation after perfect Seb's win last year.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah That's great Mark, that performance is bound to increase your stock in your contract negotiations with other teams. Given our 23 rival cars must be cheating, Adrian and I have discussed how we might regain our dominance and we feel that we may be diluting our very limited resources. Therefore, we have agreed it might be best if we run just one car for the upcoming races to maximise perfect Seb's championship chances.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@fernando Mark does in fact reflect Red Bull's position on this for once. As a team we are completely perplexed by the current anomalous situation where other teams are winning races. Adrian and I have discussed it and we believe the fans would much prefer a season like 2011 where perfect Seb was completely dominant.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah 2010 was indeed a bitter lesson for RBR. The fact that the second car was also competitive effectively took points away from Seb and almost handed the title to a rival team. Having established a lead and support car formula in 2011, we are confident that this will work again once perfect Seb starts winning every race and ends all this confusion for the fans.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Mark is a very valued support to Seb's success Michael. He is on a one-year rolling contract. Red Bull's position on this is that out of loyalty to Mark and what he has done for the team, we would not be opposed to anyone taking him off our hands.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Actually Michael, while Mark's contract says that he has a Red Bull with identical specification to perfect Seb's, the precise vintage of Seb's car in that context is a little less strictly defined. Adrian and I have had a policy to run the newest parts on Seb's car for at least 6 months before we transfer them to the sister car of Mark. This is to cover reliability issues so we ensure we can at least bag some consolation points if anything happens to Seb while he is leading.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah On the contrary Mark, Perfect Seb correctly pointed out that you both finished the race almost simultaneously in China, in more or less the same place.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Indeed we were Mark, and I hope it cleared up any perceived ambiguity in our position on team orders, in that Red Bull have no objection to allowing you to race in circumstances where the number of championship points at stake are negligible.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Due to limited resources in the legal department, our contracts cannot deal with all possible eventualities Mark, so they generally only cover what we consider to be the most plausible scenarios.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@sbstnvtl Rest assured Perfect Seb, we are conducting a thorough investigation into the inexplicable differential between your tyres and Mark's. Don't get me wrong, we are ecstatic here at Red Bull about Mark's latest stroke of luck, but we need to get to the bottom of the tyre issue ASAP.
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Horner   Christian Horner
@wibbah Thanks Mark, I'll pass on your theory to Adrian. He's going through a process of elimination at the moment, and it's good to get the simplest explanations debunked early on.
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