@DC It didn't rain on the podium at Abu Dhabi David, it's in the desert for Christ's sake, Vettel poured a load of drink over your head. It's up to the FIA president to clamp down on drivers behaving inappropriately.

@DC Christ David, it's not about Button following him to Mercedes, you're obviously mixing up news stories again.

@DC Bloody hell David, it's got nothing to do with driving, it's basically just handbags at 10 paces on a social network.

@DC For God's sake David, Jake is acting as an anchor for the Olympics, not competing, just like you do for the F1 races.

@DC Jesus, you won 13 F1 races David. You must be thinking of the slow-motion scenes in Chariots of Fire, it's actually about real athletes who competed 88 years ago.

@DC For Christ's sake David, we don't work together any more, Jake was talking about Lee, and your new co-commentator is called Ben.

@DC How's that David? From what I heard, none of them really said anything one way or the other.

@DC Christ David, that wasn't a protest, it's called the "parade" lap - the warm-up lap that happens before every bloody Grand Prix.

@DC Christ David, Rosberg didn't win a woman - "maiden win" is just another way of saying his first win. Much like the way we describe the Titanic's first outing as its "maiden voyage".

@DC They have different types of honours David, they gave Eddie an Order of the British Empire, your one means Member of the British Empire.

@DC Jesus, that's not me, that's your new lead commentator Ben Edwards.

@DC That wasn't his nickname, it was the actual name of a bear on a fictional TV show.

@DC You're going to give me a stroke David. We need to cut down on our interaction now we no longer commentate together, I'm too busy with all the work on Sky Sports.

@DC Christ, it's Force Ind... actually I'm going to skip over that one David. Anyway, why are you asking me? We're not a commentary team any more, I've moved over to Sky Sports.

@DC Bloody hell David, Sky Sports isn't a sporting discipline, it's a satellite TV channel.

@DC You work for the BBC David, it's your job to be on television. And no, the crash happened at Daytona Speedway, he collided with a Jet Truck.

@DC Christ, it's simple David, a Jet Truck is a ground vehicle to dry the track in NASCAR and an Airbus is an actual aeroplane people fly in.

@DC What the hell are you talking about now David?

@DC Christ, that's not what a suspended sentence means, he's just on probation for a while so he doesn't reoffend.

@DC Give me strength... it's probation David, not prohibition - it's got nothing to do with alcohol.