@fernando I'll sue you and the whole of Europe if you don't withdraw that remark. Firstly I would never host a themed evening in my own residence when it is possible to rent discreet lairs. Secondly, while consensus on financial remuneration was reached in advance between my professional female acquaintances and myself, the value of confrontation was subsequently revealed to me in the sexually charged atmosphere that exists in what my lawyers accurately portrayed as a "standard S&M prison scenario".

@MycLaren Did someone say they want me to punish them? I've still got some uniforms if you're up for an evening of improvised costume enactments of mixed-gender trial and retribution narratives.

@fernando If I want to employ a group of acquaintances to partake in an amateur costume production with a historic Germanic military theme, then it is no-one else's business and I'll sue the living daylights out of anyone who demands details of my sexual perversions.

@mschumi What do you mean by that? I'll sue the living daylights out of anyone who says I'm into perverted sexual enterprises. I simply enjoy partaking in private performances, perhaps based on a crime and punishment theme, with an erotic subplot, all of which is appropriately concealed, as well as scrupulously invoiced, in a coterie of carefully recruited female acquaintances.

@fernando Who told you that? Mature consenting adults who have agreed equitable terms of remuneration, and who have collaborated on the choreography of a themed evening should be entitled to the utmost privacy in the rented secret underground cellar of their choice.

@mschumi I consider it a moral outrage that a reprobate company like Google can guide people towards these lurid sites. As established in my lawsuit against the now defunct News of the World, these were mostly innocent engagements which were dressed up as being more sinister.

@mschumi What consenting adults of various ages and sexes do while attired in carefully selected apparel, in a haphazard array of imaginative scenarios, in the privacy of a concealed location, is entirely their own affair.

@mschumi I'll sue every newspaper, search engine, internet user, country, or Formula One driver who dares to besmirch my hobbies. I didn't let you keep your wins after that stunt in Jerez for nothing Michael, no more questions.

@fernando Don't worry Bernie, there's no waste from the tyres, every bit of rubber is recycled and put to very good use. You wouldn't believe the things I've seen that can be made with rubber.

@mschumi What do you mean by that Michael, I did nothing illegal?

@mschumi It was vital to establish that there was nothing untoward in what I did with a number of my lady-friends who happened to be a third of my age. All parties declared their consent at the outset, those who provided the temporary intimate accommodation were fully reimbursed, and there was a medical team on standby in case of injury.

@mschumi That's the thanks I get for all those years in the FIA enquiries Michael. I'll sue you and everyone you've ever spoken to if you continue to make outrageous remarks like that.

@fernando During a private engagement with some lady acquaintances I was treated to a demonstration of some advanced electrical equipment which made me think that is the way F1 should go.

@fernando What people do in their privacy of their rented secret meeting places is their own business. I am prepared to sue anybody who infringes my right to use electrical appliances in my pursuit of personal gratification with consenting adults.

@fernando Who told you that's what we were doing? You're in with the newspaper crowd aren't you Alonso, I'll sue you and the whole of Spain if you leak anything on me.

@flavio It's a totally different thing, this is my private life. What happens in my local dungeon is between me and my five mistresses, nobody else.

@flavio Jesus, you're still on about that?? You were caught red handed Flabbyo, take it like a man.