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mschumi's Latest Posts
mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@Murray Oh Murray, how sorely missed you are. I wonder if Suzi Perry will show up at Silverstone given Bernie did such a good job of convincing her the British GP was dropped that even Eddie Jordan visibly cringed.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@SuzukiPerry Er?... oh I see... you mean Crutchlow. Still talking out of your Assen then. I must congratulate you on achieving the extraordinary feat of being so inept as to make EJ appear to have the media skills of Johnny Carson.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@diResta I think you've more chance of being in a KFC combo. McLaren overlooked you, and Horner basically said you hadn't a snowballs, time to stick to that training the BBC are giving you. I wonder if driver steward Nigel Mansell will penalise you for your swelled head exceeding the max allowed dimensions this weekend.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@hammy Boo-hoo man-earrings, shoulda, woulda, coulda. Maybe you could go all "gangsta" on them to get hired. Careful, get itchy feet and you'll end up driving for more teams than Andrea de Cesaris. Best to stick with the tyre degradation machine you inherited from me.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@JV Yeah, well, Obama dispatched a special agent to pipe that toxic album of yours into the PA system at Moscow airport. Apparently, Edward Snowden asked to be put on the first available flight to Washington. Congrats arsehead.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@JV Well Kojak, unlike you Mark won't have to shave his head in a vain effort to make himself interesting, or attempt a musical career that makes Carla Bruni look like Mozart. On that subject, I heard the US government has found a use for your album in resolving their latest diplomatic spat.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@hammy Your take on maturity is about as valuable as marriage advice from Zsa Zsa Gabor. By the way, I was interested to read in your latest BBC column that you found the 26 buttons on my steering wheel too much to handle and would prefer to reduce it to 10, or roughly the number of buttons on the average games console controller.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@nico Sure Goldilocks. Lesson of the day: overtake first, ask permission later, or rather never. Therein lies the difference between a German mulitple world champion, ie, Schumi and Baby Schumi, and a German nappy-wetter, ie. Britney.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@rubens Indeed Rubens, even though I can barely contain my pride at my protege, I accept what he did was completely wrong - a truly great champion never apologises.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@diResta Yeah, robbed, Sutil's out for a year and leads the race while you were preparing your excuses for your post-race love-in with the BBC.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@hammy As a clue-less ex-driver let me summarize the Oz GP for my former employers. Promising testing and qualifying pace raises expectations which are swiftly tempered by reliability and tyre degradation issues in the race. Or was that 2012? Hmmm, history does have a habit of repeating itself, hopefully.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@JV Not quite the case Mozart. Apparently the reliability issues were traced to a disgruntled employee playing your CD on repeat at the Dreamliner assembly plant. They're considering suing you for industrial sabatoge. Congrats dipstick.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@JV It reeks more of Pedigree Chum me thinks. That championship really is a who's who of Brazilian talent, Pizzonia, Zonta, Burti, and now Barrichello. The Betty Ford clinic takes in fewer rejects than that. By the way Kojak, I heard Boeing have found a solution to their latest crisis through your music.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@rubens Rule 1: Don't get caught. Rule 2: Never confess, ever! I heard you were shipped off to the Brazilian stock car championship after finishing 12th in your "rookie" Indycar season. Maybe you should go on Oprah, she likes interviewing disgraced has-beens with no employment prospects.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@SuzukiPerry Ok, us F1 peasants can be open-minded. Maybe we'll give you a chance then. You seem to know what's going on, and most importantly you've already mentioned my good self.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@fernando Funny how she suddenly decided F1 entered the real motorsport category when the BBC offered her a new contract to travel the world to present it.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@fernando And brainlessly moaned about the lack of overtaking in F1, claiming it wasn't real motorsport, thereby implying all F1 fans were clueless idiots?
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@fernando Is that the same Suzi Perry who used to present the Beeb's MotoGp coverage?
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@TheIncredibleHulk Well Lewis, welcome to the "yellow helmet plus Shitbox" era. As for you Di Resta, motorsport historians might remember Brazil for you stuffing your car backwards into a wall. Strangely, unlike your teammate and Perez, the next "F1 superstar" wasn't snapped up by any teams. Christ, even the BBC started ignoring you after your season turned shit.
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mschumi   Michael Schumacher
@JV Then you'll be delighted to hear the ceasefire in Gaza came about because the Israeli's and Palestinians finally found something they hate more than each other... your music. They're shipping a container of your CD's out there so they can both fire rockets at it. Congratulations twathead.
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